Thursday, June 30, 2011

Blessings

Mom and Dad had a running joke that whoever went first would need to walk slow so the other one could catch up.  Throughout it all, and even in these last two weeks when everything was so bad, Dad never lost his sense of humor.  He and Mom were talking around four o'clock this morning when he started to have a seizure.  They were coming more and more frequently but this time Mom told him that there was no time for that now.  She told him that he had a long journey to take and that everything was ready for him.  He told Mom that he would walk slow.  They talked for a few more minutes and then Dad gave her a big smile and he left on his journey.

I've been staying here since March so Mom and Dad would have some help.  Mom and I talked for a few minutes after Dad passed and then I called the kids.  After everyone had a chance to get here we called and reported Dad's passing. 

I've wondered for a long time what this moment was going to feel like and now that it is here what I feel is blessed.  I was raised by a good man who loved his family and loved his community and he was very generous of himself with both.  He had few rules but the ones he had were set were set in stone.  Respect was important to Dad and his children were taught to respect those around them and most importantly themselves.  Dad said that I couldn't expect to be treated any better by others than what I treated myself.  I guess that is a twist on the Golden Rule and I've always found that when I hold myself in high regard and in turn extended that courtesy to others that in most cases it worked out pretty well.  Dad also stressed faith, honesty and kindness.  Dad believed in helping others, and Lord knows he volunteered for everything, but he was adamant that you should only help those who would help themselves.  Dad believed in people and he believed with all his heart that failing to live up to one's potential was a sin against God.  He was the one that taught me that creating dependency was the opposite of compassion. 

Mom and Dad had sixty wonderful years together.  Last night when the three of us were talking him and Mom were joking around a bit and he gave Mom "The Look".  A smile creeped up on his face and his eyes got really blue like they always do when he and Mom are flirting and it just felt so good to sit there and watch them still so much in love.  Mom sent him on his journey with no regrets but with tons of love. 

I'm sure I'll have some weepy moments but mostly I'm just so grateful that Dad isn't sick anymore.  I know that I will see him again and until then my job is to keep being a person that he can be proud of.  Thank you to everyone who has checked in on me during this very difficult time.  My online community is very dear to me and I hope that I can get back to my old self very soon.  Good bless you all.

7 comments:

Adrienne said...

A beautiful post. Prayers to you, your family, and for your dear father.

__t_i_m_o_t_h_y__ said...

In my prayers

Carol said...

Thank you both for your kind words. Mom is holding up really well. I am so proud of her.

Paco said...

Carol: I'm sorry for your loss, but it sounds like your dad's was a good life. God bless you.

Carol said...

Thank you, Paco. He made it a good life-for all of us.

Kara Schmidt said...

I am so sorry to hear of your Dad's passing. You wrote a lovely post and brought tears to my eyes. My thoughts are with you and your family. Your friend always - Kara Schmidt

Anonymous said...

similar situation when my 22yo son passed from leukemia. The night before, he and I spent peaceful time talking about anything and everything, watched one of his favorite movies (Meet Joe Black), and I held him through the hallucinations caused by morphine. He and I were able to make peace with some issues from the past, discuss how I needed to be there for his young son because he couldn't, and say our goodbyes. I miss him terribly, but his son is a true blessing. I see a lot of my son in him.