There's an app for that

The time is right.  Or maybe it's wrong.  Who cares?  He's hot and you are ready.  There is just one little thing.  You lean over and whisper in his ear, "Baby, pee on my phone." 

But do we really have to pee on our phone? Come on!

We hear more and innovative uses for Apple's smartphone everyday, but an application that detects whether you've got the clap? Well that's taking things to a whole new level.

The proposed app, which had us thinking we'd by-passed winter and gone straight to April 1st, will require users to urinate on their pride and joy like a pregnancy test and plug it in to get the dreaded verdict on whether last week's sexual faux-pas gave you a gift that keeps on giving.

The £5.7m eSTI2 project, being overseen by a team of University of London scientists, will apparently use nanotechnology and software to analyse the sample.

If the news is bad, then you can book an appointment with your GP using the app, and pick up the ready-prepared prescription and get to work on relieving that itch.

The team working on the eSTI2 app reckon the technology is close to becoming a reality. It remains to be seen whether Apple is thinking of incorporating a "p**s here" sensor into its new iPhone 5.

Project Leader Dr Sadiq Tariq says: "Currently, if you want to know if you have an infection, your sample is usually sent to a laboratory and the results come back in a few days. Imagine how much more likely you would be to get tested if you could test yourself away from a clinic and have an on-the-spot, accurate result, but still let a doctor or pharmacist know within minutes that you may need treatment."

Ah, romance.  It is a beautiful thing.