In light of the federal government's enormously popular increase today on the tax of tobacco products, it has been announced that taxes will also be going up on non-vegan products, polyester and playground equipment.
When questioned about the move, White House spokesman Robert Gibbs said that it is the goal of this administration to remove all risk from Americans lives no later than President Obama's fourth term. When pressed, Gibbs said "do you have any idea how many children are harmed, not just physically, but also mentally and emotionally each year while playing? Studies show that playing is the greatest danger our children face." Children's advocates such as NOW and Planned Parenthood lauded the move but asked that "for the children" it would be better if the government used its power to tax to modify unacceptable behavior and eliminate children all together. The government responded that it welcomes the suggestion.
On a further note, the women of The View expressed relief that the government is finally taking steps to regulate polyester.