Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Dear Cass

Dear Dr. Cass:

Yesterday I received a call that my elderly father was being rushed to the hospital because he had fallen and the paramedics believed that he may have broken his hip. Before leaving for the hospital I took my sweet baby Precious, an adorable Maltese, for a walk, made sure that she had food and water and explained to her how much I loved her and that Mommy would be home as possible. When I got to the hospital I learned that my father did break his hip and that he had suffered a major heart attack in route to the hospital. Obviously there was nothing I could do at the hospital so I immediately left and went home to my beautiful baby, Precious.

Precious was so upset that I had left her all alone that she number two’d on the floor and chewed my absolutely favorite to die for Jimmie Choo sling backs. I apologized repeatedly but this morning I was subpoenaed. My baby Precious is suing me for neglect and the intentional infliction of emotional distress. I am beside myself. Can a d. o. g. sue me? Precious is very special but I didn’t know even a d. o. g. as perfect and wonderful as my Princess Precious could do a thing like this.

Signed: Ashamed but Confused
Precious’ Mommy

Dear Wretched and Selfish Puppy Mommy:

You disgust me! You traumatized an innocent little Maltese just so you could rush off to the hospital to hang out with an elderly man who doesn’t deserve medical treatment to begin with? Can you be sued? If I have my way! As I’ve said before:

“[A]nimals should be permitted to bring suit, with human beings as their representatives, to prevent violations of current law … Any animals that are entitled to bring suit would be represented by (human) counsel, who would owe guardian like obligations and make decisions, subject to those obligations, on their clients’ behalf.”


Cass Sunstein, President Obama’s choice for Regulatory Czar and a supporter of animal rights who favors bans on hunting and eating animal products.

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