Breaking News! The elusive Martha Coakley found lurking in smokey backroom

Scientists Tag Martha Coakley

BOSTON, MA - Boston College scientists have succeeded in attaching a radio transmitter and a small camera to Massachusetts Attorney General Martha Coakley. "This will allow members of the press to safely follow her [Coakley's] movements," said zoologist Gale West, "Coakley travels in a pack surrounded by aggressive males. If anyone approaches too close, especially reporters, the males instinctively react to protect her from embarrassing questions such as her assertion that terrorists have left Afghanistan." West admitted difficulty in affixing the transmitter/camera. "We dropped bundles of cash from Merck and Pifzer in the backroom of an expensive restaurant, but Coakley was wary and stayed just out of reach. Finally we lured her close by dropping a huge bundle from the DSCC. That did the trick."

It is my understanding that the scientists will be studying the "hunting and gathering" habits of Coakley between now and January 19th, when she is expected to enter a prolonged state of hibernation.